So, shortly after news appeared around the web of his demise, many stories started popping up on what really happened. Here are three of my favourite theories (Mainly because I came up with them…):

1 – Got Coffee???

Contrary to popular belief, Osama was not killed…

…IN Pakistan.

With as long as he had been evading US forces, complacency finally got the best of him. He was so confident that he would never be found, since he was not in Pakistan at all (But was in fact, working as a cab driver in LA…), that he decided to go to the local Wal-Mart in Downtown LA in order to buy himself a cappuccino.

On the way out the door, he was killed in an unrelated drive-by as a bystander.

Moral of the story: If you yearn for coffee, make sure that you get it from Starbucks, not Wal-Mart!

2 – Mystery Solved!

After years of evasion, and growing complacent with his situation, he was dumbstruck, and caught way off-guard, when he was finally captured by a small team of professionals that have been working mysteries for over 40 years.

With 40 years of mystery-solving experience, these super-sleuths and their dog were called in to apprehend the culprit.

His only remark was reported as being, “And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!”

The four-person, 1 canine team came up victorious and, as a reward, were compensated with a super-sized huuuge multi-meat sub and three Scooby Snaks.

Comments to their success were well greeted with comments from well-known figures in the acting world.

Achmed, the dead terrorist quipped, “I hate to tell Bin Laden that there’s no 72 virgins to greet him… Just me.”

While Jose Jalapeno excitedly remarked, “…this is going to be one bueno Cinco de Mayo.”  More of their posts can be found here.

3 – Aliens!!! Uh-huh…

He witnessed Osama being abducted by what he claims were aliens.

Rumours have also emerged from certain celebrities claiming to have seen the vanished leader being pulled out of his hiding place by a very bright blue light coming from a saucer-shaped object which floated in the sky in much the same way that 2-ton trucks don’t.

“It was the eeriest thing I’ve seen,” commented the former singer who wished to remain unnamed. “Look at me, I’m all shook up!”

When asked for further comments, he declined graciously by stating, “No, thank you.  Thank you, very much!”   Then left the building as quietly as he had appeared.

4 – Beware the Undead!!!

So, you’ve heard my three theories of what truly happened.  BUT, what noone else has bothered to mention, even the government, is the troubling revelation that he may yet come back to life.  (Granted, he always looked like he had already come back to life at least once before…)

How do I know this?  It’s all in his name:

OSAMA BIN LADEN

Now, if you remove the “O” you end up with this: SAMA BIN LADEN

Then, if you remove the 2nd “A” the you come up with SAM BIN LADEN

Now, if you proceed to remove the “N LAD” part, you have SAM BI EN left.

Finally, if you remove the last letter “N”, you end up with the letters SAM BI E

Putting these remaining letters together and try to pronounce if will end up with a sound like sahm’bee

OMG! He’s coming back as a zombie!!! NOOOO!!!!!!

Remember, you heard it here first!!! So, make sure you stock up on Twinkies and get the machete ready for the zombie apocalypse…