01.APR.2020 ~ In an unprecedented move, and in an effort to mitigate the spread of the current threat, the menacing  and terrifying undead known as the Walkers in both “The Walking Dead” and “Fear the Walking Dead” have also been advised to follow social distancing guidelines while hunting for their prey.

The news which broke recently has astonished many of the Walkers, who are beyond words (well…if you can call them words…).  When asked how they felt, a Walker known as Stephanie, looked down and just scoffed (well, more like a mixture of a hack and a furball than a scoff…) at the notion.  Danny, another of the poor decaying blokes who seems to have had a rough unlife (he was missing his lower half and an arm…), lost his head in his rage (quite literally…just popped right off…) and hissed at the new guidelines, though in reality it seemed what Danny really meant to say was, “This is F—in’ bullsh—t!”

Though most seemed to dislike the idea of not being able to hoard (since, as one observer noted, they have no need for toilet paper or hand sanitizer…), the masses seemed to be relieved momentarily at the fact that at least this part of the new protocols did not affect their normal routine.  Woefully, that relief was short lived when they learnt that not only could they not hoard, but they wouldn’t be able to be a horde as well. 

Another issue these corpses face is the rule of staying a distance of six feet from other people.  Amanda, a cat-fur-covered Walker that was mall shopping when she heard about the notice, snarled at the thought of having to stay six feet away from their victims.  As if their speed was not enough of a hinderance to their hunting capability, the fact they have to remain apart from their prey seemed to lower their overall morale (or maybe that’s just how they normally look…).

A pair of Walkers who went by Rachel and Laura seemed speechless at the part of the order which stated that all Walkers were now also mandated to wear masks, which seemed almost impossible for some to wear (since most had no nose remaining to hold their mask on…).  Though no words were uttered by them, the look on Rachel’s face and the angry growl provided more than enough evidence to know she was not pleased at all; Laura made no sound, but the drooping look on her face and eyes showed a great deal of sadness.

Another Walker, Nevada, who seemed to be thinking up a strategy on how to circumvent the new regulations, was upset when he was informed the new threat could live on certain materials for up to a week and he should not touch some things.  Though uncertain, it seemed that for a brief second he stole a glance over at a guitar and book that were sitting at a nearby bench before sadly drooping his shoulders and walking (Walker-ing?…) away.

Fuming over these new limitations, the six interviewed Walkers, in what appeared to be a joint display of defiance for their leadership, started to storm off (at an unsurprising rate of speed not very much unlike their normal walk…) away from the rest of the group (most of which seemed content just milling about or chasing after a poor Tumbleweed that had the sole task of tumbling down the street and had failed miserably at that one simple job…).

They nearly made it to the street corner where they were, sadly, corralled by a blue haired lady (we’ll call her PA…), told to be quieter, and instructed to get back to their holding area immediately, to which they sadly acquiesced (but not before ransacking a snack cart on their way back…and tripping over a confused and disoriented Tumbleweed…).

NOTE: The “for-now” final episode of “The Walking Dead”, Season 10 will air on AMC this Sunday, 05.APR at 2100ET (that’s 9pm ET for you non-Walkers…) and Season 5 of “Fear The Walking Dead” is now streaming online and on the AMC App! Enjoy!!!